Something that I used to have - childhood

Diary of a Used-to-be

                As Heraclitus says, “Nothing in this world is permanent.” Nothing stays permanent because of change. Things are always going to change. Time wears down on everything in one way or the other. The only thing that’s constant in life is change. Change… change… change… It’s a six letter-word that I describe as something that can either bring something good and bad. As change is something that is constant, we all have that one minute in life when we just want to hit pause and think of the times when we used to have something – something that we used to have but is now gone. People all go through different changes, just like how an innocent child change into a person bathed with the embers of reality and maturity. This is something all people used to have – childhood.

                I was in the middle of studying for a long exam in my when I heard my younger sister watching cartoons. From where I was, I could hear the squeaky voices of the characters and the manner in which they talk as if they were communicating with their audiences. I remember very well the time when I loved to watch Dora the Explorer. It was my favourite show back then because it was like they were taking me to their different adventures with her friend Boots. “Things run smoothly when you’re a child,” I thought. You eat, you play, you sleep, and you do the same thing every day. Unlike other kids, I didn’t do much of the outdoor activities because I was a home person. I always enjoyed staying at home and doing things at home, then and now. I had friends even though I wasn’t much interactive to what’s outside the door of our house. When I feel like playing, I play with my friends. I remember when I played tumba lata or commonly known tumbang preso with some friends. I wasn’t really good with games and such so most of the time I lost and was teased at. What I was good at was to watch TV and to draw. Most of the time when I didn’t have class, I stayed at home with my mom and just watch my favourite TV shows. But I wasn’t an introvert.

Apart from TV shows, I also loved travelling. Since my mother was from Cavite, we frequently travelled to her hometown every year. Just like how Dora explore places, I also enjoyed going to new places and discovering unique things about them. My unforgettable was when we had our outing in Tagaytay and it was my first time to see the Taal Volcano. At first I was scared because I thought that any minute that volcano might explode and spit lava. But as I grew old, I replaced that idea. The Taal Volcano was beautiful where it was surrounded with blue crystalline waters. It looked really different from Mayon Volcano. Unlike Taal, Mayon was situated in the fields and from there you could see its perfect cone for what it is known for. Also, I wouldn’t forget the time I first saw and rode a horse in Baguio City. Aside from Tagaytay, Baguio also made a mark in my memory. In Baguio I also saw the sunrise for the first time. It was like from the movies when the orange-yellow sun strikes it rays to the clouds leaving strands of redness to the white mist. Of course, I also wouldn’t forget the cold temperature in that city and I was wrapped in several layers of clothing. I just loved adventures especially when I had a free mind. Gone are those days. Things just run smoothly when I was a child.

                They say that experiences often mold people to their personalities. I for one truly believes in that. As a child, I didn’t do much with the outside world so I was mostly quiet especially with people I just met. But that’s just me in the beginning, I didn’t know how to do a proper greeting or introduction and to keep a conversation going. Fortunately, I can easily adapt. Usually when I’m in a room full of people I don’t know, I just look at them as if my eyes were trying to catch someone who might bear with the conversation I could offer. When I feel like a person’s okay, as much as possible I do my best not to be boring. As I lived my childhood days at home with my mom, I was always taught with certain values that I have to take by heart every day. One of which is my honesty especially towards my parents. I was always taught that I shouldn’t be deceiving my parents especially when a situation calls that their approval is a no. My parents’ treatment towards me allowed me to establish an unbreakable connection with my family. And that would explain why I am family oriented. Furthermore, my childhood was compared to Dora’s. And as a Dora, you got to have the courage to discover new things even if it means facing your fear. My being adventurous made me brave for I already conquered fears that I used to have.

                It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Indeed, childhood was the time that brought new meaning to the notion of fun and folly. We all know that growing up is all part of the circle of life, as what the Lion King would say, but don’t you wish it was still socially acceptable to carry your teddy bear in public sometimes, and to watch cartoons all day long. Looking back at my life, there tons of things that I miss about my childhood that I had never thought were a big deal at the time. When I was young, my biggest job was to be a kid. I had fun, I met some of my friends that I still know to this day, and I started making habits that I still have today. We all go through that phase in life when were young, wild and carefree.

I miss the times I watched cartoons. I remember every day after my class, I would watch cartoons on Disney Channel. Saturday was the best for me, we had no class so I could watch all day. I also miss the times when my favourite sound was the cling-a-cling sound of the bell of the dirty ice cream vendor. I remember when I hear that familiar sound, I would immediately run to my mother and ask for money. I imagine myself having heart-shaped eyes whenever I could buy them, mango was my favourite flavour. “Tag tres an ada ha cone, singko an ha cup,” the vendor would say. Nowadays, online games and ones you download in apps, such as Temple Run, Clash of Clans, are what most kids play. For most Filipino children of the late 1990’s and early 2000’s our handheld video game was the Brick Game. Who would not like this game? You got lots of Brick Games to choose from. Tetris was my favourite at that time. I miss playtime.  I also miss the times when I pretend that my toys were alive and we talked to each other. I even made dialogs for my toys and whenever I play Barbie, I would hold a fashion show and play dress up. I miss playing with my childhood friend. I used to have this friends whose two days older than me. Every time he and his mother came over to his house, our favourite was the balay-balay. I would play as the mother and he was the father. It was really fun. Looking back, playtime is really enjoyable especially when you’re so innocent. Come to think of it, I think it would be really awkward if my childhood friend and I would still play that game at this age. Well he used to be my favourite playmate. Things are just so different now. It’s hard to get back to things that you used to have and you used to do. The only thing you could do was to glance back them and say, “…wish I could still do that today.” For a child, playtime was the time of his life. A typical child was mostly free from responsibilities. They don’t have to do this, they don’t have to do that. All they were told to do was to behave. I miss the times when my only problem was when I lost my toys; the only times I shed tears were when I fell from something and when I was scolded, and most of all; the times when I had all the time I have to sleep, just sleep without thinking that I still have a lot of things to do after I wake up. But now, it’s all different.

 As what Plato said, “You cannot step twice into the same river.” This is childhood. In our lifetime, childhood comes to us once. If you don’t spend it the way you wanted it, you cannot go back and do something about it. As for me, I had no regrets with the things I did back then. Well, maybe I wished I slept longer hours than I did so I wouldn’t think that if only I slept more hours than I did as a child, I wouldn’t be this sleepy. Things are just so different when you’re just a child and when you’re already grown up – at the end of the day, we’ll just stare at the horizon and say, “Ahh childhood? That’s something I used to have.”